it’s funny how one day you can have your ten year plan color coded and the next wake up and realize that every decision you’ve made is contrary to that very plan…
I feel like in many ways, plans have become uncool. a defining characteristic of our generation is uncertainty - we’re not supposed to know where we want to be, who we want to be, what we’re supposed to be. or maybe we are, and everything Lena Dunham has been telling us is bullshit.
I feel like I should be unsure, but I’m not. have I would have guessed in a million years that I’d be where I am today? hell no. these days, it’s unorthodox to be orthodox… society gives us the boxes on a form to tick, and if we do we’ve compromised ourselves, supposedly. I internalized that view for a long time. I wanted to be that badass aunt who dressed like she was going to the opera everyday and traveled the world without a regard for what anyone thought. am I boring now? am I any less of the person I was? did I sell out?
people sure act like I did. I have friends who tilt their heads quizzically, ‘are you sure about this’ in their eyes as they nod their heads in feigned enthusiasm. I don’t think it would be more solemn if I told them one of my cats had cancer. who knew getting married was such a death sentence.
I’ve paid prices. things aren’t the same, with anyone. I haven’t been a good friend for the past year. it’s hard when you become so intertwined with another person’s life to look outside of yourself. it’s not an excuse, but it is a reality. I’ve learned from my mistakes, and hopefully am a better person for it. I’m finding the balance, one step at a time.
ultimately, when it comes down to it, I’ve never been more sure of anything. I may not know what next year will be like or what country I’ll be in five years from now, but I’m happier than I’ve ever been. I struggle and things are definitely far from easy at the moment, but I know I’m making the right decisions. and that’s progress for a girl who color codes her life plans.
I find it weird that every time people personify the Seven Deadly Sins, they’ll make six of them portray the doer (someone who IS angry, someone who IS slothful, etc), but then they go to Lust and portray them as object being acted upon (someone OTHER PEOPLE would lust after).
Like honestly it would be more accurate to make them some scruffy white dude with a fedora than a sexy girl with curves.
This speaks to me on a deep level.
Thank you for this
I AM A “TOP CANDIDATE” FOR ONE OF MY GRAD SCHOOL APPS